


Tommy Bahama Looks Bad On Everyone

by peachwentz



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Beards (Facial Hair), Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Facials, Fat Mac, Fat Shaming, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Verbal Humiliation, ao3 hates me pls send help, gagging, this was a nightmare to upload
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 18:02:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10253852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachwentz/pseuds/peachwentz
Summary: The Paddy's little girls' room is the perfect place for Dennis to take advantage of Mac. Dennis can't believe he thinks a fat guy in Aloha print is hot.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i tried so many times to upload this from my phone, and it was awful. i'm so happy to post my first sunny one-shot!! feel free to come say hi on tumblr on either my main blog, or my sunny sideblog:
> 
> \- vampirepete.tumblr.com
> 
> \- fuzzymac.tumblr.com
> 
> also thank you to my buddy gabe (blackcvrds.tumblr.com) for ur Support in this trying time, and for putting up with my fat mac fixaton

**11:00 am** **  
** **On a Tuesday** **  
** **Philadelphia, PA**

**  
**   
It's disgusting. It's volatile, really. It's pathetic. It's a combination of several heinous components, and Dennis is somehow simultaneously smitten and repulsed by every single one of them. Mac, already a man with thick, heavy arms, soft love handles and strong legs, had packed on an extra fifty or so pounds of weight, for no real good reason. Mac had been sitting around, stuffing his face, and Dennis hated it. There was no excuse for it.   
  
As disgusting as it was, Dennis couldn't suppress the confusing feelings he got when he saw Mac wearing a shirt that was too tight for him, or when Mac's stomach would peek out and his happy trail lead invitingly into his jeans. Goddamn it. Goddamn fat Mac and his tight, stolen Charlie shirts.    
  
Since passing 200 pounds, Mac had also inexplicably acquired a collection of God awful Tommy Bahama aloha shirts that made him look like the awkward uncle tagging along on every family vacation. Dennis was kicking himself for thinking about fucking a dude in a gaudy, Hawaiian print button-up.    
  
"Hey-yo!" Mac called, opening the door of the apartment, clutching a greasy bag of fast food against his hip. There he was, wearing one of those tight shirts that clung to not only his heavy, ripped arms, but also his round new stomach and fat love handles. Dennis cleared his throat and took a drink of his beer. "Hey dude. Did you uh...Did you get me something?"   
  
Mac made a face and cocked his head. "Uh, no. But uh, I'll cut you up an apple."   
  
"You'll...You'll cut me an apple?"   
Dennis cleared his throat again. He scoffed. "Well, you can just  _ share _ with me. Y'know, I've been dieting pretty hardcore, that's how I uh, that's how I maintain my absolutely godlike physique. And Christ knows you don't need anymore of that shit. Jesus, dude.  _ You _ eat an apple!" Stupid fat fuck.   
  
Mac snorted. "Yeah, well, anyways, I'm going to eat my cheeseburgers in my room, and uh...I'll holler at you if I want an apple."   
  
Mac walked into his bedroom, shoving a handful of fries into his mouth while he did it, and Dennis grimaced. He couldn't believe his friend had two cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a milkshake. He didn't  _ care _ per se, just thought Mac was disgusting. Disgusting, but somehow so, so hot. Fat and overgrown beard and all.   
  


***

  
**8:00 pm** **  
** **On a Wednesday** **  
** **Philadelphia, PA**

**  
**   
Paddy's Pub wasn't exactly as slammed as the Gang would've liked. But then again, it never really was. The regular bar flies were in the booths, drinking cheap beers, halfheartedly smoking and gesturing at the TV. Mac, clad in one of the loud aloha shirts that he seemed to have such an interest in lately, was sitting at the bar, halfway through his fourth beer, scratching at the wood with a toothpick.    
  
" _ Mac _ !" Dennis hissed, peeking his head out from the bathroom door in the women's room. Mac whipped his head around, scrunched up his brows, then widened his eyes. "Yeah, dude?!" He yelled, completely conspicuous and drawing more attention than Dennis had wanted.    
  
Dennis waved his hand in a gesturing motion, and Mac, slightly oblivious, pointed to himself questioningly. " _ Yes _ !" Dennis said in a sharp whisper, which made Mac scamper over and into the ladies’ room.   
  
"Dude, why are you...This is the chick bathroom!"   
  
Dennis sighed. "Yeah, yeah, okay, I know. Lock that door."   
  
Mac pursed his lips, locked the women's room bathroom door, then leaned up against the sink. "Uh...Okay. So...What's up?"   
  
There was a bit of an awkward pause. Dennis gestured his hands silently, then scrunched his mouth against his cheek. "You're...Fat. You're fat, dude. And it's uh, it's throwing people. I mean, don't get me wrong, it doesn't throw me, but...It's kind of ruining your...Your bouncer vibe."   
  
Mac touched his bearded chin thoughtfully, then looked to Dennis. "You wanted me to...Come in here so you could call me fat? Okay...So...What you're saying is...People aren't intimidated by my occular pat downs anymore because I'm fat?"   
  
Miffed, Dennis opened his mouth, clasped his hands, then nodded. "Yep. Yeah! Your uh...Your retinal...Assessments just aren't working. I think you gotta drop that weight. But, before you do, I uh, I think it's kinda hot, man."   
  
The bathroom was quiet, then Mac turned to Dennis. "I'm ripped under all this fat, dude. I'm just – I'm cultivating mass. I'm bulking up. Look!" He said excitedly, ripping open his ridiculous Hawaiian shirt and flexing, trying his hardest to exaggerate his muscles.   
  
"Oh my God. Mac, okay, stop! You don't have to flex for me. I think fat Mac is pretty hot. I think fat Mac would look hot if he took off his hideous shirt and got down on his knees."   
  
The fat bartender's eyes widened, and he sank down to his knees in front of Dennis, leaning his face into his roommates crotch. "You think I-I look hot all beefed up?" Mac asked, breathing hot and heavy against Dennis's bulge, which was already starting to harden.   
  
" _ God _ , yeah, you look so fucking hot, especially when I tie you up and fuck you. You get all jiggly and sweaty and it makes me  _ crazy _ ," Dennis groaned, pushing the opened shirt fabric from Mac's shoulders down to the floor. His stomach folded over his belt and the waist of his jeans, and Dennis bit his lip.   
  
"I'm gonna fuck you in the face," Dennis panted, which made Mac whine a soft, choked sound of, " _ Den _ " while he unzipped the older man's pants, pushing them quickly to his thighs just to mouth at his cock through the fabric of his underwear.   
  
"You want me to fuck your face? Sure you do. You'll put anything in your mouth."   
  
Mac moaned, and he felt his cock hard in his own underwear while he removed Dennis's. The head was pink and warm, and instantly, Mac had a mouthful, sucking and moving his head. He wasn't particularly good at it, especially when he was worked up, but Dennis didn't care. He groaned, letting his roommate know how good his hot tongue and tight, wet mouth felt.   
  
"You want me to fuck your face, Mac? You want me to fuck that fat face of yours?" Dennis demanded, and Mac choked when he gave a quick pitch forward with his hips. Mac nodded, chubby fingers digging into Dennis's thighs, pressing into the flesh on his ass. He was so hard in his jeans that his cock ached, and just tasting Dennis's skin made him moan.   
  
Dennis grabbed a handful of Mac's hair, slicked back with a palmful of cheap product, and he yanked on the dark clump to mess his bangs into a soft, fluffy pieces hanging around his face. He pulled his head closer to his body, and Dennis slowly started to rock his hips before giving a harsh thrust, smirking when Mac gagged.   
  
He could see Mac's eyes watering, and Dennis ran both of his hands through his hair, rucking up the way it was perfectly slicked back. "L-Look at you," Dennis moaned, "Sucking my cock in the  _ bathroom _ . You love it, you love getting your face fucked, don't you, Mac? Y-You like  _ anything _ I do to you, cocksucker." Dennis thrusted again, moaning when he felt his tip press against Mac's throat, and smirking when he gagged again.    
  
Mac was starting to drool, and Dennis took two handfuls of his hair, rocking his hips steadily to force as much of his cock into Mac's mouth as possible, making his nose touch the soft, hairless and lasered skin above his crotch. Mac used one shaky hand to touch Dennis's balls, squeezing and moaning when he heard the other man moan. " _M'so hard_ ," Mac gurgled, the sound muffled by Dennis's cock.   
  
"You're hard because you  _ love _ this, you love being  _ used _ , I bet you think about it every time you look at me," Den bragged, thrusting hard into Mac's throat and letting out a low moan. "Mm, fuck," He groaned, panting softly while he forced Mac's head down further.   
  
Mac's tongue moved along his shaft, and then his jaw went slack, letting Dennis fuck his face. Drool ran down his chin and into his beard, and his eyes were starting to water. The whole thing was making Dennis's head spin, and he scratched Mac's scalp gently before grabbing the nape of his neck and using it as leverage while he fucked into his mouth.   
  
" _ God _ , I'm gonna fuckin' shoot, dude,  _ fuck _ ," Dennis groaned. Mac was rolling his hips, trying to grind on the floor, on Dennis's leg, on anything that would give him any kind of friction.    
  
Roughly, Dennis shoved Mac's face away, and moaned at the sight of his flushed, wet face, mouth open and eyes lidded. Just the sight was enough to make him come, covering Mac's round, bearded face in a thick layer of spunk, which Mac whined about, desperately trying to get his tongue to reach any that it possibly could.   
  
"P-Pathetic," Dennis panted, letting Mac lick the red, sensitive and throbbing head of his cock before he slapped his erection against his cheeks and mouth, Mac moaning and whining and trying to return Dennis's member into his mouth.   
  
"Use your hands, clean your face and lick all that up," The older man instructed, to which Mac happily obliged. His cock was leaking in his jeans, and Dennis smirked, leaning down to his spot on the floor to give him a soft kiss to his mouth, which was swollen and tasted like his own come. "When you're done, make yourself come and get back outside. Tell Charlie you were...Putting new soap in or some shit. When you come, swallow that, too," He said darkly, smirking and running a hand through Mac's sweaty, messy and now fluffy hair.    
  
"O-Okay," Mac panted, blushing and using his discarded shirt to try and cover up his stomach. Dennis immediately took notice and jerked it away, draping it across the sink. "Just because  _ you're _ hot doesn't mean these God awful shirts are. Jesus Christ. Stop it with these. They're terrible."   
  
Mac nodded, shoving a hand immediately into his pants and moaning at his own touch. Dennis smirked. He would've loved to say and watch Mac, watch him make himself come and then taste it, watch him feverishly jerk his cock.

  
"I'll have your beer ready when you come out."   
  



End file.
